


Gender Adventures!

by AutumnalBloom, awbucks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Homophobia, Nonbinary, Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transphobia, a bit of deadnaming at first 'cause poor buck is confused, and uses they/them pronouns, ask to tag more, but no one does on purpose, nonbinary tony stark, tony is nonbinary, trans man bucky barnes, uhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-02 03:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12718848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnalBloom/pseuds/AutumnalBloom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/awbucks/pseuds/awbucks
Summary: Hydra messed with Bucky's identity.Tony's upbringing messed with theirs.Here, they try to figure it all out together.





	1. What Do You Want Me to Do

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so just as a reminder, Bucky is a transman and uses he/him/his pronouns once he comes out again (I hope his story is explained well enough :) ) and Tony is nonbinary, using they/them/theirs prounouns. 
> 
> if there is anything you'd like us to tag, pleaseee let us know!

Bucky curled up against Steve, resting her head against his shoulder. That’s what they were all calling her nowadays. Bucky. And her. It...it seemed wrong. Steve was uncomfortable with that too, and he avoided it when he could. Bucky could tell. She-she was just too nervous to ask him why. Or if she could borrow his clothes. And why did he tell him her name was Jamie? But the rest of world said she was...Jeanette. Widow saw her as a woman, remembered her teaching her the best points of seduction and sultry for getting close kills, and she trusted her, so...that had to be true, correct? She closed her eyes and tucked her feet under a couch pillow. She was sandwiched between Thor and Steve, now the awkwardly small one between the two giants. She admired their bodies with a lust not for sex, but for...design. The sharp edges, flat lines...she imagined herself like that under the cloak of her comforter and the night. 

Bucky got up, baggy sweater covering most of her torso, Steve’s sweats bunched up at her waist. They were too big, but one could pretend their muscle mass fit. She was strong, but still curvy. Had breasts like melons and they filled out everything she owned. The invention of sports bras was one she was happy about. 

“Anyone want something from the kitchen?” She asked, pulling at her tangles of hair. It was...too long. Wrong. “I’m gonna-” She coughed, her voice catching a terrible lilt that had to go away. “Gonna make a sandwich.” 

Tony looked up at Bucky, thinking. “Nah. I'll get my own.” There was something about sandwiches, or letting other people hand them things that rubbed them the wrong way. Besides that..they wanted to talk to Bucky. It seemed like they were in a similar situation. Tony had been doing some research, and it seemed as though Bucky identified as a male in the past, but...did he still? Tony wanted to ask, to be respectful. Maybe they'd finally have the courage to do the same one day too.

They got up, and walked over to Bucky. “Hey,” Tony said, softly. “I was wondering..I - I guess I'll just say it. What pronouns would you like me to use? And what name? Because, I found some pictures and I'm not judging, I just..I want to make you most comfortable.” Maybe it was stupid, but..they were alone in the kitchen and there was no better time to talk about it. To busy their hands, Tony started to slice an apple to eat. They weren't really in the mood for a sandwich. It was just an excuse to get out of the living room.

Bucky let her knife fall into the jar of peanut it was halfway into. She let out a rumbly laugh, and looked at Tony nervously. She didn’t know exactly what Tony was talking about. But she had an inkling. Steve had tried bringing it up, but it sent her head into a tizzy of migraines and tears. Shakily, she lifted her head to him, smiling nervously. 

“I-I dunno what you mean,” She-he?-She began spreading peanut butter onto a piece of bread, stabbing it instead. Maybe there was a James in her past. Maybe Steve was right that she used to fit into a suit better than him. Maybe. Bucky brushed it off, shaking her head. 

“You can just call me whatever y’like, Tones. Anything’s better than asset, everyone here knows that.” 

Tony thought for a moment. “Like..how you’d like me to refer to you. As a boy, or a girl, or..” They blushed slightly, looking away. “Neither, inbetween..whatever you’d like. You know, you don’t have to settle. Just because someone isn’t referring to you as an asset doesn’t mean they don’t also have to treat you like a person.” They bit their lip, thinking. 

“You, you just deserve better, Bucky. Think about it and let me know, okay? I’m not there yet myself, but maybe I can help somehow.” They finished slicing up their apple, then walked back into the living room. It wasn’t fair, the way gender wasn’t the way sexuality was yet. Sure, they were getting closer, but..Tony couldn’t be who they were. Not quite..not quite either. It was hell in its own special way. Then again, Tony deserved it. Just another reason they were screwed up, why nobody wanted them. Their hands started shaking, it was moving the apple. Fuck. Quickly, they changed direction and headed for the elevator. That was the warning sign of a panic attack, and..sometimes it was easier to just let it pass, rather than try to talk themselves down. It almost never worked, so it was just best to..hide for a little. God, they’d been so close to telling Bucky- but not yet. Not yet, not until they were sure they could trust Bucky.

When Tony left, Bucky didn’t have the strength to go back and sit down next to the Avengers. Or take their looks. The ones who saw her as a woman, which was most, thought her ratty appearance was solely because of her slow recovery, and the ones who didn’t...who was just Steve, and now maybe Tony, never quite got close enough to the subject to really dislodge anything from her memory. Stuffing the ripped slice of bread covered in peanut butter into her mouth Bucky cleaned the kitchen up and snuck into Steve’s room. He had a box of their old things in there. Bucky wasn’t really ready to keep anything that important in the room she had her night terrors and panic attacks in. They would either get ruined or just inflict damage. 

It didn’t take too long for her to find the shoebox; under Steve’s bed. Just like when they were kids and he saved up to buy them tickets to the Dodgers. Bucky had worn pressed trousers and a button up shirt to that...she thinks so. She hopes so. Taking it to her room, connected to Steve’s by a door that locked on both sides, Bucky began going through the contents. Old photos of the Rogers, deck of cards Stevie had drew over one winter night when they were bored of poker...and there it was. Him. Her. Him? Tony had said she-he? Could chose how he refered to her, that it went along with being treated like a person and not an asset. 

The photo in question was taken at Coney Island, in a photobooth. Bucky’s chest was flatter, and she had suspenders on, over a shirt cuffed up over her biceps. Hair was shorter, no makeup, and if anything, little Stevie looked more like a dame. She flipped it over and scanned Steve’s scrawled handwriting, in a fountain pen long dried up and long rusted. Thanks for a great birthday Buck! He drew a little smiley face. You’re the best fella a guy could have. He had fella underlined like it meant something. Bucky dropped the picture and it brushed past his...his feet. Bucky didn’t go to pick it up. Instead, his eyes went up to the ceiling.  
“J-j-jarvis? Get Steve for me, will ya?” 

Jarvis obliged immediately. “Of course, Bucky.” It only took a moment before he located Steve, in the hallway. “Mr. Rogers, Bucky needs you. I believe they are in their room. Please go with all haste, I’m worried.” Jarvis was concerned, of course. Bucky’s heart rate was going wild, not to dangerous levels yet, but enough for him to be worried.

Steve hurried over to Bucky’s room, finding the front door wasn’t locked. “Bucky?” He asked softly. If Jarvis was worried, there was a damn good reason to be worried. Jarvis didn’t freak out about just anything. Walking inside, Steve moved closer to..to him? Her? Steve was still confused. It seemed like Bucky didn’t remember who they used to be, the way they were before, but..but now they were remembering? Steve just wanted his old friend back, no matter whether they were a girl or a boy. “Are you okay? What’s wrong, pal?” 

Bucky turned to Steve, he’d spotted a portrait of...himself, and was holding onto it like a lifeline. He held it up to Steve, mouth hanging open. His breathing was shaky and his ugly hair was falling in his eyes. 

“Why didn’t you...you tell me?” He asked softly, “That...that I’m a man? Inside?” That he wasn’t crazy? That he wasn’t fucked up from the KGB and Hydra in the sense that he hated himself ‘cause of them. That the reason it felt familar...the reason he knew the anger and despair, was ‘cause they belonged to Bucky, now and then. 

“That...I never was…” He gestured up and down to his body, sniffling in a very undignified manner. “This?” 

Steve hesitated, not sure whether he was ready to tell Bucky the truth. But, he had to. For his friend’s sake. “I knew- after I saw what Hydra did to you, the arm and..and everything, the memory loss too, that if you..if you just forgot that you were a guy, that maybe it would hurt less.. I was hoping that it would work.” He knelt down. 

“I know I shoulda told you. I’m sorry, Bucky. You’ve..you’ve always been a guy to me, no matter what you look like. You’re my best friend. I’m sorry, okay?” He was afraid Bucky would be mad at him, for pulling something like that. But he had really been trying to do it for Bucky’s benefit, not his own. Right? 

“There’s good news though, there are choices for people like you now. There are better surgeries, and they can - they can give you the right parts and pieces and everything, Bucky. You got choices now and - and I bet Tony would be happy to help you pay for ‘em.” 

Bucky sighed, leaning against Steve, and closing his eyes. It was nice to hear that Stevie thought he was man, it made him feel...genuine. 

“You’ve always been a stupid punk, Rogers.” He muttered, dragging a hand through his hair. His eyes were still wet, nose still dripping a little. He wiped it with the back of his hand. 

“But I dunno what else there was to do w’me. I was crying over fucking Wonder Bread. Breaking things when I opened the refrigerator. Telling me that I had been a man all those years ago too would’a burned straight through my brain.” Bucky cracked a smile, opening his eyes a bit, dragging the shoe box between them. He pulled out one of Steve’s old sketches. Of him. 

“You really always did see me like...like that, huh?” His voice got suddenly soft and quivering again. “Broad shoulders? Flat chest?” He sat up and looked Steve straight in the face.

“Like a real fella.” Bucky smiled for a moment. “Thank you.” 

Steve nodded. “You’re welcome, pal. You’ve always been an idiot, but you’ve always been my best fella too.” He smiled a little.. “D’you want me to tell the others that you wanna be called a guy, or do you wanna wait? Or you could do it, or..not at all, I guess. It’s up to you.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“I admit, I’ve never been so good at this kinda thing. But, I think I might know someone who knows more? I- I saw Tony carrying a purse one time, so maybe- maybe he knows something? I don’t really know.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Bruce knows everything too.” He looked at his hands. “Would it be okay if I drew you again sometimes? It’s been too long..I’m getting rusty. You always used to be my favorite subject.” Steve looked over at Bucky. “I missed you being..you.” 

Bucky nodded, biting his lip to keep himself in check. It meant more than anything to hear his best friend believe in him. He didn’t really know how to handle it, especially in such a fragile state. 

“I’d like that.” He said, standing up carefully. His damn hair was still in his face and suddenly he got a burst of determination. A new light in his eyes that had died in those mountains in ‘43 started to shine and he held out a hand to Steve, helping him up. 

“And I want to get my hair cut. Back to how it used to be, like right before…” Bucky swallowed, getting a little lost in his mind. How happiness and confusion could overlap, Bucky would never know. “Right before I went off to war. When we lived in Brooklyn. Together?” He squeezed Steve’s hand slightly. 

“That’s right, right?” 

Steve nodded, smiling. “Yeah, we used ta’ live together in Brooklyn. It was a real shithole, but it was ours.” He shrugged. “Do you want to get your haircut right now? I could take you to someplace like Great Clips, but I don’t know if they’d do a very good job.” Steve thought for a second. “I haven’t cut my hair in a while but last time, Phil did it for me.” His smile faded slightly. Phil was gone, he couldn’t do that for him anymore. “I guess we could try and find a barber shop somewhere around here.” Steve looked around Bucky’s room, noticing for the first time how truly impersonal it was. “We should go shopping for some new clothes and maybe some decorations too. Your room is a little plain, pal. Doesn’t even feel like you live here.” Nothing about it said Bucky, not the fella he knew.

“We could get some posters of your favorite musicians, or..or whatever ‘ya want.” Steve didn’t have an excessive amount of money, not like Tony, but the army was still making back payments for all those years on ice, and all those performances and movies he’d been in too. So he had enough to take care of Bucky, at least.

Bucky looked around, shrugging. “Yeah, guess so. Never really thought about it, that I could make it my own.” He reached into his waistband, and drew out a knife, walking into the bathroom. Even if he knew who he was now, and Steve was on his side, his body didn’t match up. Least he could do was shorten his hair. 

It was rough, but in a couple minutes, Bucky was looking a little more like his old self. He ran his fingers through his choppy head of hair, pleasantly surprised. Considering how long he’d spent out in Europe, he was awfully decent at it. Slowly, he walked back out to Steve, grabbing one of his only new possessions; a Dodger’s baseball hat. He’d had one back in the day. Lost it of course, time was a nasty bitch, but now at least he could remember. 

“Why don’t we let them all know over dinner? S’that okay?” He smiled a little. Maybe he wasn’t so different than before. 

“Just want some time...to myself first.” 

 

Steve nodded. “Sure, of course. I’ll see you then, Buck. And I like the new haircut.” He hugged his best friend for a moment, then left. “Text me if you need me.” He said on his way out. Steve was gonna make sure that everyone showed up, and that everyone was nice. Even if he had to talk to them all individually first, he’d make sure they came to dinner and didn’t skip out. 

Tony had been in their lab for several hours, and was now wearing one of their favorite comfort items, a soft pink sweater that was a little big on them, but had been knitted by hand. It was their favorite. Now they were curled up on the sofa. While the panic had faded, it always left Tony exhausted and..sad. Not ready to socialize. Of course, that was when Steve showed up. Which was..not ideal. They got up quickly and pulled off his sweater, looking around. Then he put one of his normal AC/DC shirts on, and stuffed the sweater in between the quilt on the couch. 

“Hey, Steve.” They said, trying to keep the sharp edge of exhaustion from creeping into his tone. “What can I do for you?” They mostly just wanted to get the man out as quickly as possible, so they could go back to just..lying on the couch. Seemed like the perfect evening to Tony. At least there were robots to keep them company. 

Steve looked a little hesitant. “We’re having a team dinner tonight. I know it’s short notice, but I’m making attendance mandatory on this one. Bucky has something to say, and I wanna make sure that can happen with everybody there. So...make sure you show up, okay?” He wasn’t trying to be harsh, he just didn’t want Tony to duck out on them again. The man looked tired which was worrying, but not unusual either, so Steve decided not to mention it. “I’ll see you at six thirty, alright? I’ll try to get Bruce to make your favorite.” With that, Steve was gone again, off to convince the others. They’d be easier.

Bucky had spent the following half hour in his room, tearing through his wardrobe. Well, he didn’t actually rip anything, contrary to his feelings. He had grown up with just enough and knew what it was like to see good things go to waste. There was a girl out in New York somewhere that would like to have some of his more feminine things, he was sure. He’d changed out of the sweater and pants, opting for jeans, something he was still sort of surprised could pass as formal wear, and a smaller fitting top, but not by too much. Was a soft hoodie, he thinks he stole this one from Sam, and covered his arm and chest nicely. 

He was on a mission, though, and it wasn’t just to look like a nice fella. Bucky wanted to go talk to Tony. He had been the one to uncover a corner of his identity for him, and Bucky felt like the least he could do was tell him what had happened first, before he told all of ‘em at dinner. 

“Hey Jarvis? Could you ask Tony if I could come down? Just to talk.” 

Jarvis did as he asked right away, setting off a soft chime in the lab so as not to startle Tony. “Tony, Bucky wishes to come down and speak with you.” 

Tony frowned a little. Shit. Was this about their question earlier? Bucky was probably pissed. She probably didn’t like the idea at all and- and was coming down to yell at them. That was what she probably wanted to do at dinner too. They curled tighter under the blankets, but nodded. “Yeah, okay.” Instead of bothering to put their sweater back on, they were just cuddling with it instead. If Bucky had to yell at them, so be it- maybe it would get them out of going to dinner. The last thing Tony wanted to do was be around more people. They didn’t feel..right, in a lot of ways. Too masculine. “Just tell ‘em not to yell at me..please?” They added, voice barely above a whisper. “Please.” 

Jarvis opened the elevator doors for Bucky. “You’re allowed to go down. Tony did request that you not..become upset. I don’t know what you would be upset about, but..Tony did seem rather concerned about it, so please tread lightly.” The only thing he could determine was that his creator was just feeling sensitive. They usually did after their panic episodes. Quieter, and more..reserved.

Bucky cocked an eyebrow and walked in quietly, glancing around the lab. He’d been in here a couple times, to get his arm looked at and kept up, but never really for..leisure. Or anything else. He had wanted to give Tony his space. 

“Uh, hey Tony?” He found Tony curled up on the couch, looking scared and exhausted. They sure did have a lot in common, huh? Bucky perched up on the armrest, eyeing him a little. 

“You alright, pal? Why’d you think I was gonna yell at you?” Bucky swallowed and took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, still admiring its shortness, almost like it was a memory and a gift in and of itself. 

“I...y’see, I actually wanted to come down n’thank you.” 

Tony looked up at them, a little confused. Bucky wasn’t there to yell. “You’re - here to thank me? I thought you might be mad about our conversation, the one in the kitchen.” It seemed logical, at least in their mind. Most people didn’t like Tony, so..why would Steve force them to go to dinner for something positive? 

Turning over slightly, Tony took a better look at Bucky. “I like your new haircut. It makes you look nice. Different, but..real nice.” It was..had Bucky made up their mind? Maybe that was what this was all about. God, if so...weren’t they lucky? Tony still didn’t have the backbone to come out. Maybe they never would. Only thing Tony had confidence in was being an asshole, it was the only way to get people to leave them alone. But....they didn’t want Bucky to leave.

“Is that what this is about?” They added, softly. Tony was tired, so tired of just living, but..at least the day would bring some good news.

Bucky nodded seriously, and pulled the photo strip out of his pocket, letting Tony look at it. After a moment, he shook it slightly, letting it fall into his hands. “You...you helped me remember.” He huffed slightly and smiled lopsidedly. 

“Thought I was crazy or something. And then Stevie confirmed it, y’know? He just didn’t want to spring it on me when even little shit was making me upset. But...I know who I am. Who I was-” He bit his lip. “Who I really am inside.” 

“I really appreciate it, ‘cause whenever Nat told me I was like her, or if one’a you said I was a-a-a lady, it made me feel strange...in a way I couldn’t describe.” He lowered himself onto the couch, his knees hitting Tony’s. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a stripe of pink fabric poking out from the couch cushion. Huh. 

“That’s what me n’Stevie are gonna talk about at dinner. I just…” He smiled a little, nodding. “Just wanted to talk to you first, felt like I owed you that.” 

Tony sat up a little bit, trying to..take it all in. Trying to decide what to say, what to do. Whether..whether to tell him or not. “Bucky.” Tony said, very softly. “Thank you for telling me that. I really appreciate it.” They weren’t sure what to do yet. “I guess- I guess I owe you the same, don’t I?” Just spit it out Tony, they thought. 

They looked down, sitting up a little more and clinging onto their sweater, not really sure what to do. “Buck, I’m not a guy, not..not inside. But I’m not a gal either. I’m just..not either of them. But, but I want to be more..equal. Less like a man.” They looked up at him. “I don’t know. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I’m sorry.” Tony knew how fucking weird it was, how screwed up they were, but..that was just the way they were. “Does that make sense? I could try to explain it better.” If they could.

Bucky nodded seriously. If he could be born lookin’ like a girl and really be a fella, Tony could be neither. Or both? Is that what he meant? Back...back in the day Bucky knew of queens, and of fairies, but never folks who were both. But that didn’t mean they didn’t exist. 

“What do you need me to do?” He asked, thinking back to what Tony had asked him just hours ago. 

“What do you want me to call you? Or…’ Maybe he couldn’t get the things he needed, ‘cause he was the public eye so much. 

“Could I get you anything? I used to grab stuff for Stevie when he was too sick, or too nervous.” Since he could be a man now, he had to be strong and tough, too. Bucky blushed and looked down at his interlocked hands. 

“Thanks for telling me. M’sure whenever you tell the others, it’ll go fine. I know, at least Stevie will have ya back.” 

Tony thought for a moment. “I’m not sure how to explain. When you talk about me, can you talk about me..like you were talking about more than one person, I guess? Like they, and them.” How could they explain gender neutral pronouns to Bucky? “You can still call me Tony, thought.” The offer to get something was tempting, Tony had to admit. It wasn’t like they could just go out shopping, and..as convenient as shopping online was, it wasn’t entirely anonymous either. 

“If you go shopping..” They thought for a moment. “I’d really like something..” Tony bit their lip. “Pretty. Something kind of girly, maybe just a blouse or a pretty shirt. You can decide. I just wanna feel nice.” Tony felt ashamed, even though he knew he didn’t have to be. “I don’t think I’ll tell anyone else for a while. Not unless I have to cause..God, the public would tear me apart, and..I’m afraid the rest of the team won’t take me seriously.” They were already fucked up mentally, Tony didn’t need to add gender issues to the ever growing list of reasons that they didn’t make a good teammate. “I’m sorry I can’t be right there with you, Buck. I’m just afraid.” 

Bucky shook his head. “It’s okay. I was scared shitless, back in junior high?” He picked at his fingernails a little, not making eye contact with Tony. Nat had given him a dress that Bucky was now thinking Tony would look pretty in. Maybe they’d like to try it?

“That’s when I first…” He sighed. “My brother had just died. Stevie almost did too. And...I’d been wearing his old stuff in secret. I’d take off my tights and crinoline and all that shit, and pretend I was…” Bucky chuckled sadly. “Was like him. Anyway, I asked my dad first, since I was the oldest now, if it’d be alright for me to take my brother’s job down at the docks. Was too hard to find any factory jobs, and that it was a good paying job, we shouldn’t lose that salary, y’know?” Bucky could barely hear his own voice, his heart was beating so hard. 

“He let me wear Tommy’s clothes and go down to the docks. And by the time I was in highschool so many folks had either left, or died, they’d forgot it was him who died and not me.” Making soft eye contact with Tony, eyes wet again, he pulled his friend into a hug. 

“You can be whoever the hell you want to be, Tones. And you can wear whatever the fuck you want around me.” 

Tony hugged him back, feeling teary eyed himself. “Thank you.” They said, softly. “You don’t know how much that means to me. “Nobody knows except you, not even Rhodey.” Not even his very best friend from college knew, Tony just..didn’t want to lose the man’s friendship. It seemed like it was worth it to sacrifice their identity if they could just have friends. 

 

“That means the world to me.” Tony just stayed there for a few minutes, just wanting to be held for a little bit. When was the last time someone just stayed and was there for them? “Except- except for Pepper, cause that’s why...that’s why she’s just my CEO now.” Their tears became full blown. Shit. “I’m sorry, I’m making a mess..” Tony sniffled, and shook their head. “I’ll stop, I’m sorry.” They wiped their tears away, and looked at Bucky. “Thank you. So much. If you ever need anything from me, please just let me know. I’ll help you with whatever you need me to. Promise.”


	2. Mall Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky go to the mall together and get what they're really looking for on multiple levels.

Tony wasn’t in their lab for once, instead they were up in the living room reading a book. It didn’t look all that interesting to the outsider, but Tony was just hoping for a quiet day to brush up on some quantum theory. Things hadn’t changed much, but..Bucky seemed happier than he ever had been. Tony loved his smile. It was gorgeous. Tony wanted so badly to ask him out, but..it seemed so unlikely. Just because Bucky didn’t mind who they were, didn’t mean that Bucky wanted to date them. Quite the opposite, Tony figured. Who wanted to date someone who was so mixed up that..they didn’t even know what they were? They huffed softly, trying to put their head back into the book. It wasn’t easy. They couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky’s new haircut, how handsome it made him look. The way his eyes shined like..like nothing Tony’d ever seen before. And the way Bucky told old stories, about him and Steve before the war. If anybody, Bucky would probably end up dating Steve, his old best friend. The one who wasn’t a fuck-up. “Fucking brain.” Tony mumbled, getting annoyed with themselves. It would be fine. Just because Bucky didn’t want to date him didn’t mean that they still couldn’t be friends, that they couldn’t love those things about their friend. Just meant..just meant they couldn’t act on it. Still, Tony wished they could go and do something together. Even to a godawful baseball game. 

Bucky nudged Tony’s feet off from the cushion and sat down beside them, peering over their shoulder at the book. Quantum Theory. What a mind fuck. Sure, Bucky appreciated science and technology, especially Spotify, but some of this new age stuff was like a dead language. 

“What’re ya reading?” He asked, slinging his arm, the real one around their shoulders. “I doubt I’m smart enough to get it, but what’s…” He leaned in, god, did he need glasses or something? And narrowed his eyes, scanning the chapter title. 

“What in the hell is a quark?” He raised an eyebrow smirking incredulously. “You geniuses run outta real people words?” Bucky took a sip of his drink; a sweet, cinnamony beer he’d found he liked and tried to read it for himself, his head resting against Tony’s. 

“Okay...it’s official.” He joked. “Either I’m stupid-” Which Bucky already knew he was. “Or you’re a magician.” 

Tony shook their head. “I didn’t name it. James Joyce did, from Finnegans Wake. Well, Gell-Mann got the name from there anyways. It’s a fundamental part of matter, and-” They shut up. “You probably aren’t interested in all that. I just wanted to brush up a little before I’m supposed to go over to Stanford and lecture.” Tony didn’t want to go, but maybe it would be okay. “It’s in California, have you ever been?” Maybe Bucky could come with them. 

“The lecture is sure to be boring,” At least for anyone who wasn’t Tony or interested in quarks, “But we could do other things. Go shopping, explore the city..we could make it an overnight trip, or maybe even a couple of days if you’d like. We could see California for real.” It was just a suggestion, Tony wasn’t sure whether he’d actually want to go on a trip with them, but..it seemed kind to offer and truth be told, they were hoping he’d accept.

Bucky wanted Tony to continue with their explanation, but let it drop when they brought up California. Tony had seemed so...disengaged lately, so down. If he could make them happy, Bucky would do whatever he could. Steve had done that for him, and Bucky wanted to pay it forward. 

“We never went,” Bucky said, thinking back, “Least I don’t think we did. The soldier did, though, I think. Some...some assassination.” He curled against Tony’s side, cradling his beer to his chest. 

“A s-senator or something? I don’t remember exactly.” Bucky knew it was some man. A good man. And that everyone thought now that there’d been some mistake. But he knew, there wasn’t. He didn’t want to talk about it unless someone really wanted him too. 

“But...I’d like to go. I heard San Francisco is swell.” 

Tony looked up at him. “You sure?” They asked, softly. “It is a great city. It’s not too far from Stanford, and..I think it’d be fun to go with you.” They thought for a second. “If you do, will you help me decide something? It’s a small event, only about twenty students and I was thinking about wearing something more feminine. Not- not a dress, just..a nice blouse or the like. I was hoping you could help me decide whether that’s a good idea or not, and..if so, what I should wear.” Tony got up. 

“I had a few ideas.” They went into their room for a few moments, pulling out the ideas they had. Then they walked back into the living room. “There’s the red one, the yellow one, and the white one. What do you think? Are- are they too much? They’re just some shirts that Pepper left behind, and I figured she wouldn’t mind too much if I wore one on special occasions.” Just even considering going out with one was a huge step for them, especially since they wouldn’t even be caught in the tower with something like it on. “Do you think I should wear one of them?” They touched the red one. “I’m just scared.” 

Bucky nodded, grabbing one from them and holding it out in both hands. He smiled softly up at Tony. 

“I like ‘em. You’d look real sweet, Tones.” He knew he couldn’t ever be as stunning as Tony Stark, or ever be as indisputably masculine as Steve, but if he was to go with him anywhere, Bucky felt as though he should wear more than jeans two sizes too big with cut off t-shirts (he was proud of his definition, what could he say? Anyway, he felt as though he should go out to some thrift store or something to get something nicer. Just to be adequate beside the starlet that was Tony. 

“We should go out shopping, though. I got my army pension saved up,” Bucky shrugged. “Well, some of it. They retracted a shit ton when they found out I was a girl.” False identification. Least they didn’t rip him from his title, right? Hell, the fact that the coppers didn’t come ‘round to cuff ‘em for being an invert was miracle enough. 

“I don’t really have a suit or anything, or even dress slacks. I’d borrow Stevie’s. Or Sam’s, but I’m still so small compared to them.” 

Tony frowned slightly. Why would the military do that? Screw them. That..wasn’t particularly encouraging, though. If their own military wouldn’t accept Bucky as a man, then..who would accept either of them? “I’ll make them give it back.” They weren’t going to let that kind of thing just happen, even though Bucky didn’t seem all that worried. “That just..isn’t right, I’m sorry.” After that, Tony let the subject drop. 

“Let’s go shopping, though. I’ll take you, my treat. It’s not like I can’t afford it.” Tony smiled a little. “We can get you a binder too if you want one, all my friends say they’re so much better than back in the olden days. And we can’t do it today, but I could schedule you an appointment for t-shots and..and even surgery one day if you want it.” 

Tony smiled ruefully at Bucky. “It’d be so much easier if we could just trade bodies, wouldn’t it?” They sighed. “But that’s okay. Let’s just start with shopping.” They got their wallet, and their coat. It wasn’t that cold out, but they liked to hide a little more when possible.”I’m happy you’re going with me. I don’t much like going on trips by myself anyways.” It always made them feel lonely, like a businessperson who’d never had anyone to love before. Which they guessed was true. “Ready?” 

Bucky wanted to protest, the money wasn’t that important. He had more than he’d ever had in his life, and much more than Bucky had ever dreamed of. It didn’t really matter. Only wished they’d all stop calling him a lady, though. And a lady who evaded the rules of sexism to fight. Like a hero or something. 

He got fucking drafted. That ain’t no hero’s journey. He got up at Tony’s request, nodding. 

“Yeah, just a sec.” All that time in the fridge had fucked with his internal temperature, so a sweater knitted by quite possibly his biggest fan, a sweetheart down at the VA, was a necessity. She never referred to him as a gal once he made it clear that the Bucky then was the Bucky now, and was steadfast in her claim that she was sweet on him during the war. 

“Okay. I’m ready. Have that neat phone on me too. That’s what folks do nowadays, right? Carry their telephones with’em?” He brushed his hair out of his face and grinned. They were better computers than what cracked Nazi codes and put a man on the moon! And they fit in their pockets. 

Tony smiled. “Yeah, that’s good. That way if you get lost in the mall and we get separated, you can text me.” They opened the door for Bucky, then followed him down and outside to the street. “I figured we would go to the fashion mall, they have just about everything there, but we’ll have to go to the tailor if you want a binder made. Which..is up to you, but it’s a helluva lot safer than using bandages or tape. They aren’t the most comfortable things, but..I guess that’s still better than nothing, right?” Tony looked at him. “I always wanted a body like yours, so I could pick whether to be more masculine or not, but..I understand why you don’t like it so much.” Tony felt bad, almost guilty for feeling that way, but..he did.

“Anyways, I guess we should go.” They shrugged and walked to the mall with Bucky. It was huge there and had all types of luxury shops. “Where would you like to start? There are a million choices, I know I’d like to go to Saint Harridan, and GenderFlux, but..that’s about all that’s on my list.” Tony had only had the courage to go to both of those places once, but now with Bucky, they wanted to try again and really look around.

“Whaddya think?” Bucky asked, stepping out of the dressing room. It was a simple suit, navy blue with a black tie and a cream colored shirt. But, oddly enough, it fit him well. The binder helped, there was a lovely tailor tucked into one of the stores here, and she knew exactly what Tony meant when they said Bucky was looking for a binder. It didn’t hurt as bad as the bandages he was used to, and he could breath so much easier. He walked over to Tony dramatically draped himself across the chaise. The fitting room was bigger than he and Steve's apartment, and probably had more furniture too. Bucky wiggled his eyebrows with fake seduction. This was only the first store Tony had brought them too, and having close that fit how he wanted them to was fucking amazing. 

“Is this a good pose? Or-” He sat up and hardened his gaze, planting his metal hand on his knee. “Should I go for America’s most wanted fashion model?”

Tony looked at him, arching an eyebrow. “Honestly, yeah. You look fucking amazing, Bucky.” That was a fact. They..they’d never seen Bucky looking so handsome before. “You’re crazy handsome. Maybe you should look into being a male model.” Tony winked, then stood up. “Anything else you want to try on? We’re definitely taking that one.” It wasn’t as much as Tony had expected, and he looked absolutely amazing. After a second, Tony touched his hand and blushed a little bit. 

“Really. Maybe you could try a trendy one too, like uh..a nice pinstripe? Or something classic like a tux, for if we ever go to something like a ball.” Tony really wanted to get his hair cut professionally too. Then, Bucky would look beyond amazing. Immaculate. Tony wanted to feel as pretty as Bucky felt handsome. Maybe- maybe today was the right day for them to get a makeover too.

Bucky blushed a deep red and looked down, goofy persona disappearing. They were saying words Bucky never felt allowed to hear. Handsome. Amazing. Even when folks saw him as a boy, that’s all they saw, the disheveled Barnes’ kid down at the docks and the dames saw him as a swell dancer and a better kisser. But...it had all been flings and for fun. He’d never taken it seriously. Especially never by someone who knew what he was. 

“Ya really think so?” Bucky asked softly, not moving his hand away from Tony’s. “Thank you.” And he nodded a little. 

“And if you don’t mind, I think I’d like that.” He furrowed his brow slightly and bit his lip. “I’m not bothering you, am I? ‘Cause if I am, you don’t hafta do nothing. Really,” He smiled shakily. The asset crept in at such inopportune times.

“But could-could I?”  
Tony nodded. “Yeah. I think you should definitely try more on. In fact, I can’t wait to see you in more outfits. I could watch a fashion show with just you in it.” To them, that was the best kind of compliment. But..Tony really could watch Bucky all day. “You’re not bothering me, I promise. After we get you all set up with clothes, then I’ll look for clothes too, and..and maybe even pick up some makeup, if you’ll come with me.” Tony had often thought it’d be nice to have some for special occasions. 

“And we could just look around too, maybe get a mall pretzel or something like that. I..I just wanna spend time with you, I don’t care what we do.” Tony knew that for sure. All they wanted to do was hang out with him.

Queue Bucky’s damn blush again. He’d heard that Tony was a flirt, but he’d never expected to be on the receiving end.

“Of course I’ll come with you, Steve only calls me a jerk ‘cause I didn’t let him put his cold feet on my back.” He snorted a little, feeling awkward, but tried not to let on that he was deeply smitten. He can faintly recall dames and fellas alike disliking Bucky Barnes when he was...himself. When he talked about books and films and silly anecdotes he thought were funny. Bucky grabbed a suit off the rack, one of the ones Tony had chosen, wanting to show off for them. He stepped back behind ‘  
curtain and drew it closed. 

“Honestly, in-house heat, all day every day is a fucking gift.” He began unbuttoning his shirt and started folding the clothes up. 

“And all I think I’d like to get otherwise is a new pair of boots. And some pants, maybe? And some sweaters, if that’s alright. Stevie was saying there’s a thrift store nearby that’s not too...sketchy?” Bucky tucked the new shirt into the pants and pulled on the suit coat. Damn. He liked this one too. Which one was he gonna chose?

“That’s how folks use that word now, right?” Bucky asked, poking his head out of the curtain. Would Tony like to have eyeliner, maybe how Natasha did it? It was pretty on her and would be stunning on them. 

“And here’s the other one, sweetheart.” Bucky stood in front of Tony and held his arms out in front of him, testing the sleeve length. 

“Which one should I get?” 

Tony blushed, hot damn, did they blush. “Wow. You look- amazing, Bucky. We’re gettin’ both. And honey..we definitely aren’t going to a thrift store. There’s no such thing as a not sketchy thrift store. Besides that, you deserve a whole lot better.” They stood up, and smiled. Then they looked back at the fitting room attendant. “We’re getting both of those, thanks.” They pulled out their wallet, and handed the attendant their credit card. It was expensive, but not that bad, and Tony wasn’t worried about it. Now they could go to a different menswear shop, somewhere more casual, and find Bucky some more clothing to wear everyday.

“You know, I think you’re gonna look great no matter what you wear.” Tony walked over to him, and they took his hand again. “Handsome.” 

Bucky blinked some tears away and held their hand just as Tony was holding his. He was a man. Tony saw him as a man. They wanted him to be who he was, and didn’t do it out of desperation or ‘cause he was their best friend. 

“You too. You know that right?” His voice was soft like he was sharing a secret. Maybe it was. “That you’re gonna be beautiful.” Tony was already a stunner, but confidence was key. And if they could wear what they wanted? Bucky could only imagine what that would do. He brushed some hair out of their face, tucking it behind their ear. 

“And that you already are a real knockout.” 

They finally had the courage to go try on what they wanted. They’d made it to one of the finest dress shops, and the shop had been kind enough to provide a push up bra too. It wasn’t..there obviously wasn’t anything to push up, but..at least it gave the illusion of roundness. It made Tony feel a bit better. Made them look better in a dress. Bucky had picked out a lovely black dress that went down to the floor, but had a slit down the middle. It was..a little fancier than the feminine stuff that Tony usually wore and they weren’t sure whether they’d actually be able to wear it out, but..damn. Even in the mirror, Tony knew they looked nice. With a quick motion, they fixed their hair, then stepped out of the fitting room a little shyly. They had a feeling that Bucky was gonna like this, and..it made them feel a little shy at the same time. 

“Well, uh, what do you think? I know I’m not quite big enough to make it look..perfect, but it’s...I still really like the way I look in it.” 

Bucky clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Nah, you look damn fine by yourself.” He smiled cheekily and got up, sliding an arm around their waist and interlocking their fingers, swaying to the mellow piano playing from the speakers. Tony really did look stunning, and Bucky was thrilled to see a light in their eyes. If he had to, Bucky was ready to eliminate every threat to that expression. Any person that claimed Tony couldn’t dress how they liked, or that they now weren’t equipped for their job, they had to right to even see them. 

“You really do look lovely, Tones,” Bucky said, softening his own expression. “Your hair’s pretty too.” 

Tony blushed, placing their hand on Bucky’s shoulder as they swayed. “Thanks,” They said softly, looking up at him. “I didn’t think that I would have anywhere to wear this, but..y’know what? I think we should just dance on the roof and..and hell, I’d live in this if you like it so much.” They smiled a little. “I’m definitely going to get this, but I’d like to..would it be okay if we went to Lancome next? I’d like to try some eyeshadow, or maybe let the people there give me a full-blown makeover.” Tony wasn’t sure what they felt confident enough for yet. “And I’m gonna get the rest of the things you picked out for me too. I know they’ll fit, and I trust you.” Tony giggled, goddamn they did, and wiggled their hips a little, before they moved back and went into the fitting room, changing back into their ‘normal’ clothes. It made them a little sad. Maybe soon, or..or at least one day, they’d be able to wear what they wanted all the time. They could always look pretty.

“I’ll be ready in just a minute,” They called, then finished changing and stepped outside. “The makeup store now?” 

Bucky felt his cheeks burn and he was barely composed by the time Tony had come out, already going to the cashier with both arms full of clothes. He trailed after them, once again feeling lost once they entered the boutique. Even back when he was supposed to wear this shit, Bucky never knew lipstick from concealer and usually would busy himself with making drawings with the free samples on napkins while his sisters did their shopping. But, this time around, he was more enthusiastic. Tony had been wanting this for such a long time and he was happy to be here for them. 

As they walked through the store, Bucky did catch himself raising his eyebrows at a couple products. What were velvet dreams supposed to look like? Was that innuendo? Or Navy Weekend? Bucky shook his head and carried on, stopping when Tony did, gingerly taking their bags from them, so they wouldn’t be so weighed down. 

Tony looked around, picking out new things. They weren’t sure what they wanted yet, or how to use any of it. The next thing they could think to do was simply just to ask somebody. So, they walked up and stood by an employee for a second before they looked at her. “Uh, hello there. I was hoping you had an opening for a makeover.” 

The younger woman turned to face him and smiled a little. “Sure! Is this your first time using makeup? I love first times. I can show you how to do everything, and your foundation shade, and everything you’ll need to know for the future, okay?” She smiled and led them over to a makeup chair. “Is this your boyfriend? He can stay right here with you. You’re gonna look amazing.” She went over and got a full load of makeup, just about everything imaginable. “Alright, so you still look pretty young, but you want to take good care of your face when you put makeup on, so start with some primer.” She held it up, to show them. Then, it just kept going.

About an hour and a half later, they were finished. Tony still hadn’t seen themselves, but they had a feeling it was good. They looked at Bucky. While they hadn’t expected a full face of makeup and they probably wouldn’t do it every day, they felt good. Even without seeing the result. Finally, the girl turned them around and showed them. They looked..amazing. Tony felt like tearing up. They felt pretty. “T-thank you, miss.” They said, looking back at her and Bucky. “Wow.” That was all they could say.

Bucky grinned back at them. They looked fucking gorgeous. He nodded slightly and stood up, walking over to Tony. 

“Y’look good, darlin’.” He said lowly, everything seemed slower in this moment. Like the world was turning through a vat of oil. Muffled, hazy, and ever so slow. Every time Tony blinked, it was like a lifetime. Bucky felt his heart beating but all he could do was tip Tony’s head up and brush some stray hair to the side. Was really just an excuse to touch them. Be closer. They were just infatuating. Like Aphrodite, Apollo Helen and Paris. 

“Really. And I’m really fucking proud of you too, y’know.” 

Tony savored the moment, looking up at Bucky. “Thanks,” They said, in barely a whisper. Fuck, they were so in love with this man. It just wasn’t fair. Though, they were starting to get the sense that he felt the same way. After a few seconds, the moment ended, and Tony looked over at the girl who..who made them feel pretty for the second time, ever. “Thank you so much. God, thank you.” They pulled out their wallet, and gave her everything they had. “Thanks. I’m gonna take everything you used on me, and..really whatever else you think I need.” This meant the world to them. 

“Bucky, do you..would you like to go out to lunch with me? Or maybe just eat a pretzel here?” Tony wanted to go out in the world like this, to show them how pretty they could really be. “I..I’m just so happy today,” Tony added, happily.

“Sure, that’d be real nice, Tones,” Bucky said, picking up the shopping bags again and mouthing thank you to the artist. He pushed the bags up his metal arm, it could hold upwards of two hundred pounds, and none of the handles would press into his skin. Out of all the reasons Hydra had forced this beast of burden upon him, Bucky doubted that one of them was shopping bags. Also helped out grandly with grocery shopping, as he and Sam learned. 

“Would you wanna get changed first, though? ‘Cause I don’t know how much longer I can wear Steve’s jeans without wanting to burn them.” He cracked a smile and pushed Tony with his shoulder. That was a bit of an exaggeration, but maybe if Bucky suggested it, Tony would feel as out of place wanting to wear something new. Something more them. 

Tony nodded. “Sure, I’d really like that.” They smiled and took one of the bags, digging around. They pulled out a soft grey sweatshirt, skinny jeans, and a pretty blouse. “I’m gonna go change.” Tony hurried off to the family bathroom, and changed quickly. It helped that Bucky was changing too. It made them feel like they weren’t the only one. Plus, it lowered their chances of being recognized anywhere else. Who would recognize Tony Stark in a pretty dress and makeup, and who would recognize Bucky in...whatever he was going to wear? They were both different than the ideas of what they were supposed to be. That had to help, right? 

A few minutes later, they stepped out and looked around for Bucky. He was probably already done changing, right? Tony just felt so..nice. Today they had been feeling more on the feminine side anyways and even though that was subject to change, today was perfect. The best they could imagine, so far. Hopefully, Bucky felt the same way. This shopping trip seemed to do them both some good.

Bucky, after quite some consideration, he wasn’t nearly as good as Tony was at this, decided on on a pair of slacks and a sweater with a button-up underneath. The trousers were interesting, a coal grey with tiny black stitching accents. He especially liked how they tapered at the leg and didn’t need suspenders. The sweater was just a simple cable knit; Tony had said he looked nice in blue, so the sweater was navy and the shirt was a bit lighter than that. 

He wasn’t sure if it was too much or too little or if he looked like Cinderella in her dress sewn by mice, but...at the very least, Bucky felt comfortable. His hair was short, his chest was small, and he looked...strong. In the right way. Not in the commandeering, stilettos and cinanade kisses way Hydra had made him. Strong in the way he dreamt about when he was younger. Strong in the way he felt a fella should. Tieing his shoes, Bucky gave himself one last look in the mirror and walked out into the hall, taking a seat on the bench. 

Tony spotted him on a bench, not too far away. They smiled and walked over to him. “Don’t you look handsome? Ready to get some lunch?” Tony wasn’t sure what they wanted yet, but probably nothing too fancy. Fancy places were where they were recognized. A mall pretzel shack? Nah, nobody would think of them being there.

“We can get whatever you want, my treat. I know supersoldiers have to eat more.” They laughed, soft and airily. “But we can have whatever you want, promise.” Tony winked at him, then started walking towards the food court. Today was a good day, and..when they were happy, it was clear just how full of life Tony really was. Not like the broody person who had their nose in a book all the time, for lack of anything better to do. 

Bucky held his arm out for Tony to take and together they walked over to the food court, which was much nicer than any of the ones he and Steve had gone to in the past. There was a sushi place, a salad place, a place that advertised gourmet pizza, which Bucky didn’t trust, there was one place in Brooklyn he went to for pizza, that was it, and then a bakery-cafe style shop, baked goods and soups and sandwiches, that type of stuff. 

“I’m gonna get a grilled cheese, I think.” There some things he liked better to try out in the safety of the tower then out in public. And today had already been a lot of the latter. He looked down at Tony. 

“What do you want?” 

Tony thought for a moment, not quite sure what they wanted yet. “Hmm. I’ll take a turkey and cranberry sandwich, I think.” That seemed like a safe bet. Bucky wasn’t the only one who became weary and wary of trying new things after a certain point in the day. “And some soup.” Soup sounded perfect. 

“Is it okay if I go get us a table? I’m kind of tired I guess, and..it’s been a fun day, but also a little exhausting, don’t you think?” Tony looked down at the ground, then back up at him. “I think we should head home after we finish eating. Unless you have somewhere else you want to go, I mean.” They really wanted to go home, now that the reality of the situation had set in. They were out here, in the world, all dressed up. And sure, they felt..amazing, but what if someone recognized them? Then, they’d really be screwed over. The thought terrified Tony. Made them regret trying this, even though it was so good, it made them so happy. Tony wished they didn’t have to be scared, just like Bucky wasn’t. But..for Bucky, he wouldn’t lose his livelihood or his entire life if he came out. Tony might.  
done

Now, this was the curious thing about Bucky Barnes. For most of time, history had gladly recalled him as the brave war hero, James Buchanan Barnes of Howling Commandos fame. The handsome witty sidekick to Captain America, who’d kept him on the ropes ‘till the whole serum thing. He was a good son and friend and...and somehow virtuous. Bucky never understood that one. Even back then, when his only crimes were nabbing ribbons for his sisters’ hair and breaking pencils in the art room so the teacher would give them to Steve. 

And then that all came crashing down like Rome at the hands of Nero. His flattened chest and close-cropped hair were lost at the hands of Hydra. Those handlers made him into a femme fatale with a push-up bra and ugly, ugly panties. Bucky had died a man and was resurrected a pretty, pretty lady. 

Then Stevie pulled him outta hell and he clung to him for awhile. Was a ghost trapped in a little girl. He had been so lost, too lost, that he never even thought that he was anything put the pretty pawn of Hydra. Now, he felt free. In his new clothes and with Tony and Steve and Bruce and Nat all on his side...he was the man he was back in the ‘30s, and on the way to becoming him visually. Tony had told him about something called testosterone shots, which...which seemed like magic. Could help him deepen his voice? Help him grow facial hair? He’d cried when he’d heard that it’d be alright for him to start that. 

Some people were still the cruelest form of stupid, though. Called him a girl, even when he was kind and explained his situation to them. Some ladies even claimed that he was a female leader. Broke barriers by pretending to be a man or some shit. Told him that it was nineteen-forties sexism screwing with his femininity. Bucky eventually was able to place their order and was answering the polite small talk the cashier was asking him. She was quite obvious in her avoidance of pronouns, never even using they, and it made his face burn. Back in the day, Bucky was very much a passable man. Well, boy, but it still counted. He had the right cocky air and broad shoulders, and wasn't grizzled by 70 years of Nazi torture. Now, he wasn't sure. Physically, he wasn’t much older than he had been when he fell, and that had been devastatingly young. Probably could still go to college and wouldn’t stand out too much. Someday, maybe all the pieces would fall into place. A guy could hope. 

Tony shrank further into their seat, putting their head lower on the table. Maybe if they hid, they’d be less at risk of someone recognizing them. That was until they felt a light tug on their blouse, and looked over to see a small kid. “Hello?” Tony asked, arching an eyebrow. 

The kid thought for a second, looking down. “Well, I’m- I’m lost and I didn’t know what to do an - an I thought you could help me, ‘cause heroes always help, right?” 

 

They thought for a moment, then nodded. If a kid can recognize me, who else can? That didn’t bode well in Tony’s mind. “I’ll help you, of course, I will. What’s your name? And where did you last see your parents?” 

“My name is Jamie, and I saw my parents here in the food court and then, then they told me to go to the bathroom before we left and when I came back, I couldn’t find ‘em again.” 

 

Tony nodded, and took the small kid’s hand. They couldn’t be much older than five, maybe six. “Okay, Jamie. You know I know someone else named Jamie? Well, his name is James, but I call him Jamie sometimes.” Maybe maternal instincts were clawing their way into Tony. “I’ll help you find your parents.” It took about a good twenty minutes of wandering, then they found Jamie’s parents. They seemed wealthy, distracted, but still - they did seem to have a fair amount of concern for their child. It was- at least they didn’t seem to recognize Tony, or they were too polite to say anything. Tony left one more thing with the kid, their personal number. Just in case they ever really needed a hero again. 

Now, Tony realized that they had no fucking idea where Bucky was. Well..that wasn’t great. The only thing they could think to do was call them. ‘Cause now, they were alone in a very busy mall, and they really just wanted to go home. A tightness built in their chest, and they tried to take a deep breath to shake it out, but it wasn’t working. Fuck. They really needed to go home. They got their phone out and clumsily dialed Bucky’s number, not knowing what else to do.

Bucky was just paying for the food, holding the bag of sandwiches and soup in one hand and giving the woman some cash with the other. He was getting weary of all the people around, they could be potential threats. All of ‘em, to him, or to Tony. It was tiring to think this way, but it was all but instinct to do so. 

And then his phone buzzed. Tony. Tony? He scanned the area, frantically looking for them. With a clumsy hand, he answered the call. Had something happened? With their reactor? Or were they hurt? Bucky put the food down on a nearby table to free his hand. He had a knife in his shoe and a gun concealed by his side. If Tony was in trouble, Bucky wasn’t about to waste any time. 

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” 

Tony looked around. “Uh-” Now they felt like the lost kid, panicking. “I dunno, Bucky. I went to go help a kid, and..I ended up going pretty far into the mall. There’s just a lot of people here and I wanna get out.” They closed their eyes, trying to breathe. “I’ll be okay, just- just talk to me, please?” Tony started walking in the direction they thought the food court was, looking around. Why did they decide to go on the weekend? When it was so busy? “I’m near a Von Maur, I can hear the piano.” 

“Can you try to come get me, please? This is gonna sound dumb, but-” Tony looked at the ground, shuffling a little. “I’m scared, I just wanna go home. This was too much for me, it was a stupid idea. Now I just want to get out as soon as I can.” They were humiliated in a way, but all they really wanted was just..a hug from Bucky. Just to be held until they felt safe, and then to go home. Back to the tower where they could rest and be relatively safe.

Immediately, Bucky was on the move, ignoring all their things that were surely left wherever Tony had. He had no idea what the fuck a Von Maur was, but the mall wasn’t that large, and he’d already kept note of the exits and halls. 

“I’m coming sweetheart. I’m coming, it’s okay. Just stay put, so I can find you easier, alright?” People parted for him like he was a god, and honestly, in this moment, Bucky didn’t really care. He glared at those who didn’t move fast enough and damn near crushed his phone in his palm. He thinks the only thing keeping him from exerting such brute, impassioned strength was that Tony was on the other side. 

“There ain’t nothing to worry about. You’re okay. I’m okay. We’re gonna get you home and safe.” When he finally spotted Tony, like a beacon in the night, Bucky cleared a path towards them. Stepping over couches and tables, he finally got to Tony and embraced him for a moment. Being alone was terrifying. Whether it was in the fridge or in a mall present day. Isolation is man’s biggest weakness and worst weapon. Bucky released Tony for a moment and looked them over worriedly. When the expression on their face seemed to be the only thing wounded, Bucky brought them closer once again. 

“It’s okay. You’re not alone anymore. We can go now, darling.” 

Tony held him close, feeling more relieved than they had in ages. Safer than they had in ages. “Thank you.” They said, in barely above a whisper. “You’re the greatest.” Tony had never been so happy to see somebody. Well, maybe Pepper, but that brought up more bad memories than good. “Let’s go home, please? I’ll make Happy go get all our shit.” They could just text the man and send him in. The guy could work miracles, always did.

Tony didn’t let go of Bucky’s hand all the way out to the car, and even when they got in. They were too shaken to drive back, so..he did it for Tony. They didn’t know what they’d do without him. “Bucky...thank you so much.” They looked up at him. “For all of today, but especially this. You’re so wonderful. So-” Tony looked down, thinking for a moment. “Handsome, and..and great. I just..I was wondering, I know we haven’t known each other long, but I was wondering if you’d wanna go out more. Or like- date? Or..or I could be your date mate?” 

Bucky blushed and ran a hand through his hair. They were just in the garage, sitting side by side in the car, the only light coming from the soft glow of the overhead lamps and from the garage itself. It made whatever that makeup artist had put on Tony’s face sparkle a little and they just looked so damn sweet. Without a thought on his behalf, Bucky’s face broke out into a small grin and nodded, taking Tony’s hand in his own. 

“I think that’d be lovely.” They...they were beautiful, and a fucking genius, but never talked down to him or got angry when he forgot...there was too much to name, really. Bucky had never had someone care so deeply, beyond Stevie and his family. Tony cared and loved him, it seemed. And Bucky loved them back. 

“And is that what you want me to call you?” He’d never heard that term before, datemate, but if that’s what Tony wanted, he was all for it. Bucky reddened a little; there was still so much he didn’t know. The intricacies of modern life were so detailed that it would probably take him a lifetime to understand it all. 

Tony nodded a little bit. “It’s a - a gender-neutral term. Neither girlfriend or boyfriend.” They smiled a little. “Is that okay?” 

They went upstairs with Bucky, still holding his hand. “I know it can be kind of weird so I don’t mind if it takes a little bit to get the hang of, but..you can call me whatever you want so long as it isn’t girlfriend or boyfriend.” Tony smiled. “I just..I’m just excited about our little vacation too. We can go do whatever you want and see the sights. It’ll be fun. And when we get back, you’ll have your first t-shot.” 

“I can go with you if you want. I know you don’t do very well with needles, Steve told me when he was trying to help you catch up on your vaccines.” Apparently, Hydra wasn’t too concerned about deadly diseases or anything, but...Steve was. After all, the super soldier version two could catch chicken pox or something. “And how well it went.” 

Bucky snorted a little and nodded. “Stevie’s gonna help me. Just…” He shrugged a little, walking into Tony’s private floor of the tower. “Just in case...something happens.” Bucky didn’t like thinking about-about the capacity for danger he still held within himself. He and Steve had decided that if he was to do anything that would potentially trigger the asset, Steve should be the only one around. It’d hurt Bucky to his core if anyone else saw him like that. Kill him if he hurt ‘em. Steve was the only person who he trusted to deal with the soldier. He knew him for longer than some folks had been alive, and...and wouldn’t veer to the side of hate as quickly if it came down to it. He’d already spoken to Steve about how he wanted to go if the asset came back, but it’d just made his friend cry. 

Bucky settled on the sofa-loveseat thing, wasn’t as comfortable as the one down in the main living room, but next to Tony, anything would do. He rested his head in their lap and buried his face in the warm sweater they were wearing over the silky blouse. The day had worn him out too, in more ways than one, and the transitions from outdoors to in and back and forth had really cemented the chill that had been festering in his spine all day. 

“You’re warm.” He muttered, turning onto his back so he could meet Tony’s eyes. “And pretty.” He added, nodding like it was some philosophical conclusion. “Very, very pretty.” 

Tony nodded, snuggling into him. When Bucky told them they were pretty though..that was when a warm blush spread across their face. “I’m..I’m so glad to be with you, Bucky. You’re the best.” They leaned over and placed a soft kiss on their cheek. “Can we just stay here and cuddle for a few minutes?” Tony was warm, but..they just wanted to be held. Maybe they could warm Bucky up, his hands were cold. 

They took his hand and looked up at him. “Your hands are cold. That’s okay, I’ll warm them up.” Tony nuzzled a little closer, wishing that they could just stay like that forever. That the rest of the world would just leave them alone. It was unlikely, but..maybe. If they were lucky enough, they’d have peace for at least an hour. Maybe long enough so they could fit in a nap. Tony was always so tired, but never felt safe enough to sleep. But now, in Bucky’s arms...they felt a bit better.


End file.
